My youngest turned 18 in July. This felt like some sort of milestone in terms of a very large chapter of parenting now over. As every parent will say, it has all happened very quickly. Two have left home. It is certainly a joy observing them grow into adults. Thankfully, they still like me! Of course, being a parent doesn’t end, but it certainly changes. The bank of mum and dad will no doubt be open for a while yet.
Each time my wife told me she was pregnant, I was deeply happy. With the benefit of hindsight, I would say that raising children has perhaps been the highlight of my life. We had four children in less than four years and had no family close by, apart from my sister who had three young children of her own. We could not afford babysitters for the most part, so it was an intense time. It was also a very busy time professionally, twenty years seemed to fly by.
A few years ago, I was facilitating a workshop in Perth. There was a religious brother at the back of the room taking notes and not saying anything. I eventually coaxed him into speaking to us. One of the things he mentioned was that a big part of his Ministry now was taking the older brothers to appointments. These were men in their 80s and 90s who had, for the most part, joined the Brothers as teenagers, possibly as young as 13. They had given their lives to the cause of Catholic education and worked their hearts out, often with long days and nights teaching and working in boarding schools. As they were being taken to another medical appointment, these older men would sometimes be driven past a school which had been the scene of their labours over many years. The question they would ask was “did we do a good job?” This has stayed with me as rather poignant. With my kids now 18 and older, it is now a question that I occasionally wonder about myself; have I done a good job as a parent?
A tradition I instituted when our kids were young, was at birthdays. We take turns to say something to the person whose birthday it is. Now that my kids are a bit older, there is a bit more thought and insight. At my last birthday, it was almost like a report card on my parenting! Although I have been at pains not to push my worldviews onto them, it was apparent they had picked up on who I am and that had influenced them. A reminder that it is who we are that translates the loudest!
As Father’s Day comes around for another year, we give thanks for all dads, whether they are still with us or in heaven.
Eamonn Pollard
Director – Mary MacKillop Spirituality Ministry
Photos supplied.